"give me fiffty bucks and I'll bang you on my mom and dads futon"

if i were a month i would be: sober september with a reoccuring relapse into alcoholic afternoons.
if i were a day of the week i would be: mondays. because nobody likes mondays. but everyone thinks about them all weekend.
if i were a time of day i would be: right after the bars close.
if i were a planet i would be: undiscovered territory.
if i were a sea animal i would be: jellyfish.
if i were a direction i would be: lost.
if i were a piece of furniture: a really old family airloom (*spelling?) that you don't have the heart to throw out.
if i were a liquid i would be: something that's sticky and leaves a mark.
if i were a stone, i would be: fools gold.
if i were a tree, i would be: something worth climbing.
if i were a bird, i would be: teradactal.
if i were a flower/plant, i would be: a sunflower duhh.
if i were a kind of weather, i would be: that really weird weather where it's raining and sunny at the same time.
if i were a mythical creature, i would be: the last unicorn.
if i were a musical instrument, i would be: violin.
if i were an animal, i would be: butterfly.
if i were a color, i would be: orange!
if i were an emotion, i would be: supersonic.
if i were a vegetable, i would be: a mushroom.
if i were a car, i would be: honda civic. hahaha.
if i were a song, i would be: "hot blooded" foreigner.
if i were a book, i would be written by: dr. zuess.
if i were a food, i would be: chinese.
if i were a place, i would be: the roof of a high building.
if i were a material, i would be: plastic wrap.
if i were a taste, i would be: the first few seconds of a peppermint.
if i were a scent, i would be: sun ripened raspberry.
if i were a religion, i would be: buddhist.
if i were a body part i would be: hands (they were made for touching.)
if i were a subject in school i would be: teen living.
if i were a cartoon character i would be: pikachu or one of those sailor moon girls.
if i were a shape i would be: abstract.

i bet that was fun for everybody.