i quit.

so after thinking long and hard
and successfully losing a few friends last night
i have decided to stop drinking.

i know that alcohol has been pretty much
a daily ritual for the past few years
it's just at twenty two i no longer like the person i become
when i drink.

i spent last night,
saying really mean things to a handful of people,
hurting others because i felt they had hurt me,
waking my parents again to come get me at three in the morning
cos i tried to walk home in the rain from another party
while crying and being a total mess.
so many things could have happend to me.
i could've been raped, hit by a car, or a handful of other
horrible things my mother warns me about.
i was a total asshole.
i don't remember what i said.
but i'm sure it was hurtful.
i bottle up so many things for so long
that when i'm drinking everything comes out
in a very unflattering way.
i don't think i have successful relationships with people
because alcohol prevents those from happening.

i can't do it anymore.
so there it is.
i'm done.

now i just have to figure out with people who don't drink do.
at least the semester is about to start and i should be pretty
occupied with that.

it's just every activity i do
i always feel it'd be better if i was drunk.
i think i'm going to look into going to some AA meetings
if anyone wants to join me.
(fat chance i know.)


so here's to new begginings.
and about last night,
i'm really sorry.
but i doubt those words will fix anything.